How to be the stable rock for your teen (when you’re sinking)
If you’re anything like me, you may have read a heap of books when your children were babies, trying to figure out how to help them sleep, what they needed and when, just so you could feel like a good parent and, hopefully, get some rest and feel like your normal self again.
Something happens though when our children become teenagers. Not just to them - in the obvious physical and emotional ways- but to us, as parents. Life hits us from both sides. No longer are we focused on our children and they are our no,1 priority, but our parents need us more than ever before, and added to that is the question of our work, careers and how we can climb that ladder having gotten off it, or having decided we don’t even like that ladder any more and want a new one. Or that we don’t actually like climbing ladders but just want a job that feels fun, free-flowing, that plays to our strengths and pays brilliantly so we’re not scraping together every last ounce of energy and dignity to try and make ends meet and hoping everything will work out. Or we just stop showing up in the world, we slowly let our lights dim, our feelings no longer really matter, our morals and values become silent witnesses to our daily decay, and gradually our emotions simmer down. And we become numb. And we slowly shut down. And gradually, we burnout: physically, mentally, emotionally.
If this is you, my friend, please join me on this journey to rebuild yourself. From the foundations up. Like the beautiful phoenix, it sometimes takes the burning of our nests to know who we wish to be in the next stage of life. To rediscover our true self: the woman beneath the visage, the facade, the layers of generational patterns that have conditioned us to be something we’re only discovering mid-life that we no longer wish or choose to be. And we want to be there more than ever for our children, who are now rapidly becoming teenagers, and yet we also wish to be strong role-models for our daughters, showing them what they can achieve not by scoring strong grades in school, but by being their true authentic selves and proud of who they are, knowing their values and staying strong to their path despite the setbacks. But it’s hard when we’re tired, run down, our hormones are riding roller coasters inside our bodies and we don’t know how we’re going to cope from one day to the next.
Yet, when we can say hand on heart that we have shown up for ourself each day, that we have our own back, as well as those of our loved ones, and we are truly compassionate with our mind, body and soul, then we are there. We find that connection - that sense of knowing and loving, with those around us - who we live and work with -and with ourselves. This is the strong lifeline we need to hold onto throughout the tough times.
And in the words of the indomitable Taylor Swift, “It feels great”.
So, here’s to you, my friend. I see you, I hear you, and I am you. I fully honour you and I commit to being your guide on this mid-to-later life journey in which you choose to live a little more like yourself each day, so you can feel like the best version of you on a daily basis and be there whenever your teen needs you, in the most strongest and most beautiful way possible.
