Intentions Over Goals: Motivation Without the Pressure
“What if the pressure you're feeling isn't motivation—but comparison disguised as inspiration?"
The first week of January brings a unique kind of pressure—the expectation to set ambitious goals, to feel motivated, to transform. But what if that pressure isn't motivation at all, but comparison disguised as inspiration?
In this episode, I share what happened when my family tried the TCUP framework over Christmas, then explore why intention-setting (rather than goal-setting) might be the kinder, more sustainable path forward—for both you and your teenage daughter.
You'll learn a practical 5-step Sophrology-based practice for setting intentions that honour where you actually are, not where you think you should be.
KEY TOPICS COVERED
The difference between inspiration and comparison
Why social media amplifies pressure in January (and how it affects our daughters even more)
How goal-setting from a place of "not enough" reinforces unworthiness
The Sophrology principle of dynamic relaxation: meeting yourself where you are
A 5-step intention-setting practice you can do with your daughter
Why sharing your intention creates accountability without punishment
RESEARCH & SOURCES REFERENCED
University of Pennsylvania Study on Social Media Use
Hunt, M. G., Marx, R., Lipson, C., & Young, J. (2018). No More FOMO: Limiting Social Media Decreases Loneliness and Depression. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 37(10), 751-768.
Key Finding: Limiting social media use to 30 minutes per day led to significant reductions in anxiety, depression, loneliness, and fear of missing out.
Dr. Lisa Damour on Social Comparison
Damour, L. (2023). The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents. Ballantine Books.
Referenced: How teenagers compare themselves not just to their peers, but to carefully curated, edited versions of their peers' lives—and even knowing it's curated doesn't lessen the impact.
THE 5-STEP INTENTION-SETTING PRACTICE
Step 1: Visualise Your Future Self
Imagine yourself at the end of this term (Easter holidays) feeling genuinely happy and proud. Notice what that version of you looks like, how she carries herself, and the energy around her.
Step 2: Identify Your Core Feeling
Choose ONE word that captures how that future version of you feels. Examples: Present. Grounded. Connected. Ease. Calm. This is your intention for the term.
Step 3: Decide What to Release
Ask yourself: What would I need to say NO to in order to say yes to this feeling? Be specific—not "stress," but "saying yes to things I don't want to do" or "scrolling Instagram before bed."
Step 4: Create Supporting Actions
Ask yourself: What small, consistent actions would support this intention? Keep it simple—3 things maximum that you can actually do consistently.
Step 5: Share Your Intention
Tell at least one person (partner, friend, or daughter) your word and your commitments. Ask them to gently remind you when you drift. This creates witnesses, not judges.
"You're already enough, right here, right now. The practice isn't about becoming someone else. It's about choosing how you want to feel—and taking one small step that honours that choice."
YOUR PRACTICE THIS WEEK
Set aside 15 minutes to complete the 5-step intention-setting practice
Write down your word and your supporting actions
Share it with one person who can support you
Optional: Invite your daughter to do this practice with you
CONNECT WITH KATE
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Important: This podcast is for educational purposes only, not medical advice. If you're experiencing severe overwhelm, burnout, or mental health concerns, please consult qualified healthcare professionals.
Connect: Get in touch with any feedback about this episode, questions or if you have any topics you'd like covered. Email: hello@coachingmotherhood.com or via the link below.
