What Happens If She Can Only Imagine Things Going Wrong?

"This teenage girl's mind was so locked into negative default mode that she literally couldn't imagine a positive version of her own life. And suddenly, so much about her struggles made sense.."

If your daughter can't see things going well, her brain literally won't let her move towards them.

The Moment That Changed Everything

Just before bedtime one winter evening in the boarding house, I'd led a group of girls through a visualization exercise—helping them see themselves confident and capable for upcoming exams.

As they filed out, one girl stayed behind. "Miss," she said quietly, "I could only see it going wrong. I couldn't see the good version where it all goes well."

That moment stopped me in my tracks. This teenage girl's mind was so locked into negative default mode that she literally couldn't imagine a positive version of her own life. And suddenly, so much about her struggles made sense.

The Three Environments

Thriving doesn't happen by accident. It happens when we intentionally design three environments:

Internal: The landscape of belief and imagination. I learned to ask "What if you could see it going well?" instead of "Imagine yourself succeeding." Those two words—what if—unlock possibility without demanding certainty.

Some couldn't see images, so I'd shift: "What would it feel like if things went well?" Suddenly their energy would shift. Their breathing would slow.

This is the foundation of sophrology—the practice I trained in. Maya Raichoora, Nike's first mental fitness trainer, describes visualisation as "a neurological mental training technique that rewires the brain." That's exactly what I was witnessing.

External: The physical space she lives in. When I transformed our boarding house—softer colors, comfortable seating, calming artwork—girls started choosing to spend time there. They'd curl up with books, chat quietly. The house began to feel like home.

Your daughter navigates enormous internal complexity every day. If her external environment adds to that chaos, she has nowhere to land. Small intentional shifts create profound change.

Action Plans: The actual plan that turns vision into reality. But here's what's crucial: this step only works if it comes last.

Jump straight to "What's your plan?"—especially with anxious girls—and they shut down. But once she feels calm, can envision success, and is in a supportive environment, then asking for her ideas becomes powerful.

The sequence: internal environment first, external second, action plans third.

Your Practice This Week

Try the Future-Pull Visualisation with your daughter (or on your own):

• Step 1: Imagine six months from now—something challenging is going well. What does that look and feel like?

• Step 2: Notice what's different. What has changed? How do you feel?

• Step 3: Look back to today. What was the very first small step that started this shift?

Note what comes to you. That's your starting point.

That's how we create change—not through force, but through imagination that opens possibility, environment that supports growth, and small, clear actions that move us forward.

The Complete Framework: The Teen Connection Strategy

This completes the 4Cs Framework: Connect, Calm, Coach, and Create. Together, these four fundamentals give you a complete approach for guiding your daughter through the teenage years with confidence, clarity, and deep connection.

When we create with intention—when we build internal belief, external support, and practical pathways in that order—we're not just helping our daughters survive these years. We're helping them flourish.

Resources: Maya Raichoora | Sophrology | Future Visualisation- Free Download | 4Cs Framework

Important: This podcast is for educational purposes only, not medical advice. If your daughter is experiencing severe anxiety, depression, self-harm, or other mental health concerns, please consult qualified healthcare professionals. Full terms and conditions.

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