What I Learnt From a Decade Of Raising Over 250 Teen Girls
"I realised something crucial: my compassion, my years of classroom teaching, even my experience as a parent—none of it was enough. These teenage girls deserved someone who had actual tools, not just tea, chat and sympathy."
If you live with teenagers, you'll know this: they don't tell you things when you ask them. The truth often comes late at night, when you're craving sleep and they're just coming awake.
For more than two decades, I've witnessed hundreds of these moments—not just with my own daughters, but with many teenage girls I've taught, coached, and lived alongside in boarding schools across the UK and Switzerland.
The Moment That Changed Everything
What shaped me most weren't the classroom lessons or exam results. It was the conversations behind closed doors—girls with panic attacks, self-harm concerns, family crises they'd never spoken about before.
One evening in Switzerland brought it all into focus. I'd recently taken charge of a boarding house with over fifty teenagers. That night, I noticed one student with signs of self-harm and another struggling with crippling anxiety.
I listened. I reassured. I followed all the protocols. But at midnight, exhausted, I realized something crucial: my compassion, my teaching experience, even my parenting—none of it was enough.
I felt ill-equipped to manage the crises unfolding almost daily.
The Turning Point
That realisation became my turning point. These girls deserved someone with actual tools, not just tea and sympathy.
So I retrained. I studied sophrology, professional coaching, hypnotherapy, and teen yoga. I learned about the teenage brain, the nervous system, and evidence-based techniques that could create real change.
Slowly, I brought these tools into those late-night conversations: breathing techniques before exams, visualizations for anxiety, coaching questions that helped students find their own answers.
And everything shifted. Students from other houses sought me out. Colleagues asked for training. Parents reached out.
But I noticed: progress at school could only go so far. After holidays, girls often returned having lost their footing. And mothers started sharing they were struggling too.
"She's shut me out."
"I'm scared of saying the wrong thing."
"I want to help her, but she won't let me."
The Hardest Shift
This is the hardest transition: shifting from the mum who nurtures and solves every problem when daughters are little, to the steady presence who must stand back, hold space, and gently guide—without always offering the answer.
We're told to "give them space," but not how to stay connected when they push us away. We're told to be their "safe space," but not how to hold that space when they're shutting us out completely.
That tension is what so many parents are living with right now. And that's why I created this podcast.
What's Coming
Over the next four episodes, we'll explore The 4 Coaching Fundamentals for the Teenage Years: Connect, Coach, Calm, Create.
Your Practice This Week
When was the last time your daughter let you glimpse her inner world—even for just a moment? A passing comment in the car. A smile at dinner. A late-night chat. A text message that felt more open than usual.
Just notice it. No judgment. No deep analysis.
Those small openings are where trust grows. This week, watch for one moment. When it comes, acknowledge it and smile.
Resources: Introduction to The 4 Coaching Fundamentals for the Teenage Years™
Important: This podcast is for educational purposes only, not medical advice. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals. Full terms and conditions.
Your Feedback: If you have any questions or feedback you’d like to share, please get in touch. You can email me at: hello@coachingmotherhood.com or via the button below.
Share: If this episode resonated, please share with another mother who may like to hear it.
