Why Your Teen Says “Fine”, (And How to Connect)

Quick listen

Nov 21

*"Connection isn't about asking, solving, or checking in. It's about being. It's the lightness in your voice, the warmth in your glance, the absence of expectation."*

You ask "How was your day?" and she says "Fine." You try again. Same wall. Sound familiar?

In this episode, I share why that invisible barrier goes up the moment you ask questions—and the simple neuroscience-backed shift that changes everything. Before you can coach, calm, or create anything new with your daughter, you must first connect. And connection isn't about words—it's about presence.

Discover the 10-second pause that signals safety, why the teenage brain reads questions as interrogation, and the practical tool you can use this week to invite real conversation.

This is the first step in my 4Cs CoachingMotherhood Method: Connect, Coach, Calm, Create.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

✨ Why "How was your day?" triggers your teen's threat-detection system
✨ The heart-before-head principle that transforms conversations
✨ What my 5-year-old taught me about post-school silence (that still applies at 15)
✨ The neuroscience of psychological safety and why it matters for connection
✨ One simple practice: The 10-Second Connection Cue

Key Quote

"Connection isn't about asking, solving, or checking in. It's about being. It's the lightness in your voice, the warmth in your glance, the absence of expectation."

This Week's Practice

The 10-Second Connection Cue:
Before asking any question, pause. Take one slow breath. Notice her energy. Then offer one simple warmth signal—a compliment, a light observation, shared humor. Only if she seems open, move to your question.

You'll know it's working - not because she tells you everything, but because she stays in the conversation just a little longer.

Resources Mentioned

Sir John Whitmore - Coaching for Performance (psychological safety in coaching)
Polyvagal Theory - How our nervous system scans for safety
The 4Cs Framework: Connect, Coach, Calm, Create

Work With Me

Ready to go deeper? I'm currently developing my signature online course for mothers navigating the teenage years—teaching you the complete 4Cs coaching method to build confidence and connection with your daughter.